Relationships have been a huge topic for me lately with several of my private clients and girlfriends. The dynamic in romantic partnerships has always fascinated me - right from the first time I read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus (!) years ago.
To start with, I thought I'd tell you a bit about my lovely man, Trav (that's us on the right). We've been together about 3.5 years and he is one of the most generous, kind, compassionate, and hilarious (if you follow me on Snapchat @ameliamharvey you've probably experienced this) men I've ever met. It's hard to put into words how amazing he is! Our whole relationship, he's worked away so he spends two weeks at work with two or four weeks at home in between shifts. It's an arrangement that works really well for us - while he's away I get stuck into my work and fill my days with meetings and private clients and my own personal development work. When he's back I can dial back on work a bit to spend more time with him.
My relationship is so important to me and it's my biggest driver to show up as my very best self every day. I've learned that I can't expect myself to 'just know' how to be part of a great partnership - there is lots I need to learn. Apart from being two different people, men and women can speak very different languages at times!
In this week's video I'm sharing tips that have helped me create connection and feel like magnetic goddess in my relationship. It's a little longer than usual so settle in with a cuppa and enjoy...
Let's break it down shall we - her are my tips for amazing connected relationships:
1. Let go of expectations- especially the expectation that your partner 'should' act or think in the same way you do. (If you're worried about getting walked all over or taken advantage of if you let go of expectation, watch this video). Instead, be genuinely interesting in learning how they see the world. Be curious about the way they do things, instead of accusing them of doing the wrong thing. Make an effort to understand your partner, and if you want things done differently, just ask!
2. Own your own 'stuff'. It's not your partner's job to make you feel certain things. Too often we enter a relationship and subconsciously hand over our happiness and sense of self worth to our partner and stop taking care of these things ourselves. If you want to feel happy, worthy, and loved, you can do things that make yourself feel that way or you can ask for what you need. Don't expect other people to read your mind - tell them what you need and explain how they can help you.
3. Let go of the power struggle. Too often I see people putting their partners down, withholding affection, or criticising them as a way of attempting to gain power or security in their relationships. This has such a icky lack energy to it - in fact you can both be incredible empowered people by empowering each other to be the best you can be. The remedy to this is to appreciate and respect your partner - in my Psychology degree, I remember learning that in happy relationships, the partners would say 5 positive things for each negative remark. Make a point every day of telling your partner what you appreciate about them or something you appreciate them doing - we do this every night as part of our gratitude prcatce before bed.
4. Soften into your feminine and see men as a the providers and protectors that they truly want to be seen as. Do things that make you feel soft, sensual and feminine, especially before you spend time with your partner. For me, this means switching out of work mode at the end of the day by lighting some candles in the bathroom and hopping in the shower for some self care time. I use natural products that make me feel beautiful and feminine (this scrub, this body wash, and this moisturiser are my absolute FAVES and so feminine!) so I step into the evening feeling like a total goddess. If I don't do this, I find it harder to connect with Trav and I find it more difficult to be present. Think about what you can do to drop into goddess mode - use music, essential oils, self care, movement - whatever does the trick for you!
Share this post with your soul sisters so we can all enjoy feeling connected and magnetic in our relationships!